Canadian Border Patrol: The World's Least Funny Job

I had the pleasure of visiting Toronto last week; it's quite a cool place. What's not so cool is dealing with Border Patrol agents, especially when you have a really unique, cutting-edge sense of humor like me. They don't really appreciate that. I'll just run through my experience:

I pull up to the border patrol station in my car, with a short line to wait in. Since I am an upstanding, law abiding citizen, I have my passport ready at hand as I pull up to the booth.

Oh yeah, I also have a mouth full of Cheez-its, but that's not really too important.
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BP: "Citizenship?"

(Me hands him my passport)

BP: "COUNTRY OF CITIZENSHIP?!?"

Me: "Er, oh, US, sorry, I thought you were asking for the document."

He ignores me, takes the passport and looks through it. I had gotten back from Mexico less than a week prior, so I guess this catches his eye.

BP: "What are you doing in Canada?"

Me: "I'm attending a math conference."

Anyways, skip a bunch of him giving me a generally hard time about the crossing. Onto the customs stuff. Since we've established that I belong in Canada this week, I feel the need to lighten then mood with my previously mentioned wicked humor.

BP: "Are you bringing anything into Canada that will be staying in Canada?"

Me: "Well, cash, and this box of Cheez-its in one form or another." (oh yeah the cheez-its weren't totally unimportant)
He's not laughing, apparently I better lay it on a little thicker.
"And my dignity... what happens in Canada stays in Canada, eh?"

BP: (stares. not gazes, or some other pleasant synonym. a cold, hard, stare.)

Me: Hmmm... he's either never seen commercials for Las Vegas, or lives in a part of Canada that they don't say 'eh?'. Either of those should have broken the ice... I better be a more overt with this guy, a little humor ought to dig myself out of this hole...

"Of course, on the way back I'll have a few of Fidel's Finest Commie Smokes, and a couple O's of BC greenery." I lean forward and whisper this part: "Don't let grouchy old Uncle Sam hear, though." (now I'm gesturing backwards over my shoulder with my thumb.)
That should be a gut buster. Canadians love weed and poking fun at America.

Just kidding, they don't. I thought they did though. Ooops.

BP: "Put your vehicle in park."
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Well nothing really ended up happening, except me wasting a bunch of time. I tried to brighten this guy's day, spice things up a bit, and he was totally unappreciative. Luckily I have the way back to compensate. Americans are much funnier and take border crossing much more lightly.

Once again I am not always correct about things that aren't math. Post preview: "Canadian Border Patrol: the World's Second Least Funny Job. Behind American Border Patrol."